I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
