I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
