2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
