i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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