nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
