HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
