What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
