im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
