your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
