ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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