i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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