the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
