So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
