I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
