i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
