Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Randomize