Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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