Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
