sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
