I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
