I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
