Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
