I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
