Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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