im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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