God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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