Porn is love you can see.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
