So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
