last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
