I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
