Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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