pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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