It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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