I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
