I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
