Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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