We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
