She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
