I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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