He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
