Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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