You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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