I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
