How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
