I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Your cock deserves a montage
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize
