I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
