I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize