I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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