Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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