mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
